Thinking I was going to go to Park Heuvel for my birthday (a posh restaurant in Rotterdam) I was very surprised to hear that the Fat Duck, the restaurant of Heston Blumenthal, had a table available for us. I was delighted!!!

Now I feel that before I start this trip report, I should tell you why I was so excited about going to the Fat Duck for my birthday. For a few years now, Daan and I have been big fans of Heston Blumenthals kitchen antics. About two years ago we decided we should make a bucket list. First item on our individual bucket lists were: Eating at the Fat Duck!

So this year we started something new. Each year we are going to stripe something off our bucketlist.

Now on to the trip report!

I usually hate my birthday, but this year I was looking forward to it (obviously) quite a lot!. Elora and Daan sang me a song in the morning, but Elora did not like the idea of us leaving without her (we don’t do that very often and especially not to another country) so she was complaining of stomach aches and pains. The morning was more hectic than usual seeing that we weren’t only shipping Elora off to school but checking our bags to see if we hadn’t forgotten anything. At 8:25 Elora was in her classroom and we were off to England. The weather was fantastic and we were counting our blessings.

At the airport Daan decided to go print out our boarding passes while I went to score us some breakfast. Things were a little rushed but we got to our gate in time. We were flying with easy jet (I don’t have any warm fuzzy feelings for easy jet and after this trip that hasn’t changed) The flight sucked. I had my knees lodged in the kidneys of the man in front of me and had the knees of the man behind me lodged in mine. I hate the “open seating arrangement” and the staff are just wackadoodle at easy jet. There was a man sitting next to us who was a non EU citizen and he needed to fill out a form. He hadn’t brought a pen and when he asked the stewardess, who had a pen sticking out of her little outfit, she told him she could not lend him hers, because it was an “emergency pen”. This caused much mirth between Daan and myself, because we were trying to come up with the appropriate “pen emergencies”. The best one we came up with, while sniggering, was that she might have to perform an emergency tracheotomy if someone choked on an airplane peanut. She didn’t get him another pen, she just told him no and walked on. The two other colleages he asked did not have emergency pens, but they did not get him one either (though one guy promised he would) It was such a mess.

Luckily the flight was short and my great mood was only a little crumpled. It was a bit of a trick to find the right way to get to Victoria station and I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the train ticked prices... blimey!!! But oh well!! We got in the hot... hot.... BLOODY HOT train to London. Suddenly the perfect weather did not feel so great anymore. But we could still bare it.

Less than an hour later we were at Victoria station. First we decided to find where the theatre was and found it was right in front of one of the side exits of the station. Whoohoo, that was easy. I can’t believe the masses at the station though, I felt like a cow in the herd, it was ridiculous. It was hot and my hip was a very sore from sitting wrong in the plane so I was limping a little. We thought it best to pick up the ticket first. Of course there was a bit of a hiccup with our tickets and for a moment I thought I was jipped by the internet ticket office!!! O.o  But I wasn’t, just a little glitch in the system and we were good to go. We had pretty decent seats! It was an upgrade from what I paid for them, so YAY!! Birthday good luck!!!

By now we were pretty peckish because we had eaten less than half of our breakfast due to being rushed. Heston wouldn’t be until 19:30 (20:30 dutch time) and we decided to have some English food. We ended up eating at Garfunkels at the station. Not ideal, but it wasn’t bad either. I had really nice fish and chips and Daan had a roast dinner with a lovely Yorkshire pudding (though the roast beef was more like roast leather)

After that we only had about half an hour to kill until Wicked began. We decided to go to the theatre early so I could have bathroom break. When we walked to the front we stopped in terror. There was a HUGE line in front of the theatre. “We have assigned seats right?” I asked Daan who nodded, “Why are people cueing? I hate cues!!

Then we realised why: They were all school kids.... hundreds of them... tweens and teens and they were loud. OMG!!! O.o

The cue to the bathroom was about as big as the cue to the theatre and there were giggling girls everywhere. Luckily the kids were all seated quite far away from us in the theatre itself. I did have a lady with an experimental hairdo in front of me, so it was like seeing Wicked through Savannah grass. A very tropical experience.

The show was nice, but that is because it is a good show. The cast was a little poor in their performance to be honest. There were some amazing singing voices and in the beginning I still had goosebumbs. But the acting was pretty mediocre and the singing kept being unsynchronised with the orchestra which was starting to become a little annoying after a while. It also lacked the jokes. I usually hate, no not hate... loathe!! It when they translate shows and songs. But I have to admit that I enjoyed the Dutch performance a lot better than I did the English one. I am normally very critical of Dutch actors and I really dislike Dutch films etc, but these guys blew the English cast out of the water.

Still, I don’t regret seeing it! It was a fun afternoon. A calm before the hell of travelling to maidenhead.

Back to Victoria station where we had to go to the underground. Very annoying because the big map didn’t show how to get to Paddington (only that it was there) so I had to skulk around to find a little map. Then off we went, in a whirlwind of people to a hot train. It was madness, we almost got separated in the swirl off masses and it was so hot, so very very hot. Everything stank of BO. It was awful. The people were horrible too, some guy nearly knocked me off my feet as he passed me, it was ridiculous. And it was expensive and the trains weren’t very well ventilated. Outside it was 27 degrees, but the trains itself were a lot hotter. How do people do this EVERY DAY??

After about 20 minutes (and having found out the taxi would have been cheaper for the two of us, which was a blow too) we ended up in Hell... ehm I mean Paddington station (though I am sure it is run by Satan himself) The masses of people standing still and staring up scared the shit out of me. It was like looking at mindless zombies. Later I realised they were looking at the God of Paddington station: the notice board. See we didn’t realise how crazy things were. By now we had been walking around quite a bit and my hip was killing me. (everything in England is far apart: walking from the plane to the exit was about a 10 to 15 minute walk, it is ridiculous) so I was limping quite a bit more. We were sent to platform fourteen. Which wasn’t just on the other side of the station, you also had to walk all the way down the platform to get there. It felt it was somewhere out of the station... the peninsula of Paddington. We had to run (or fast waddle in my case) because the train would leave soon and it was a long, long walk. There were gates we had to go through and when we got there the train was still there, but the doors were closed and we couldn’t get in. Grumpily I watched the train go away. Assuming (yes it made and ass out of me) that the next train would arrive at roughly the same track, we sat down and kept an eye on the notice board. About 4 minutes before the next train would leave it’s platform appeared on the noticeboard: platform 2....... WTF???? That was at the other side of the station and about a 4 minute walk!!! So we had to run again. And we ran straight into the gates....

“If I insert my ticket to leave, it will eat it” I said panicky to Daan, not sure it this was true, but not willing to risk it. I told the most miserable woman I have ever met in my life my story and she let me through, but with a face that looked like she was going to kill me. As if it was my fault?

Panting we arrived at platform 2, just in time for our train. (I had to ask someone if this really was our train, since the trains have no signs on them telling you where they go) The train was hot.... very hot again. Standing still was even worse, because there was no wind, but it was bad enough as we drove.

Because we had missed our train and had to wait a half hour, we didn’t have enough time to check into our hotel. I ended up changing my shirt and freshening up in the invalid toilet in Maidenhead station. It was really wet and slippery in there and as I was finishing packing everything in my bag, I slipped and grabbed on to the nearest thing... the alarm rope. A siren went off and I was looking for the button to turn it off. It was chaos. I ended up going to find someone to turn off the alarm. It’s nice to know if you ARE an invalid in a crisis and you pull the rope, that you will be completely ignored at the Maidenhead station ;)

Feeling a lot better after having taken off my travel shirt and putting on a nice new one, we went and hailed a taxi. We got some sort of invalid bus (do you sense the theme here?) with a seatbelt that tried to strangle me, but I wasn’t complaining: it had air-conditioning.

At 19:10 we were at the Fat Duck, far to early. I managed to stretch it until 19:15, but then we decided to go in. We were greeted by a very serious looking French man (we found out later he had a great sense of humour) who told us not to be shy and come in. We walked into an oasis of calm. Nicely decorated in beige and brown colours it looked posh but not overly posh. There was a wonderful atmosphere. We were warned about the low ceilings and we had a table near the entrance which was lovely. Our table was spacious and beautiful. Someone took our bags off us and we sat down and took a breather.

Champagne was offered, but we declined. We aren’t that big on champagne and after the heat and the travelling fatigue it wouldn’t be a good idea to start with alcohol. We were brought sparkling water instead. It was amazing, the waiters (and there were a lot of them) were so professional and courteous... but not only that... they were enjoying their work and you could tell. It was a very “Disney experience” for us. Which is the difference between people doing their job and loving their job. And these guys loved their job.

We were shown the menu by a very enthusiastic Maitre D and were told we were to get our own copies later. Then a little amuse was placed in front of us. A beatroot and horseradish puff. It was AMAZING. It looked quite simple but the texture was extraordinary. So light and it just melted on your tongue releasing these strong flavours of sweet and savoury and a little kick to it. Simply gorgeous.

I was a little worried about the palate cleanser, a frozen cocktail type thing. I did not like any of the alcohols that they offered (vodka and lime, campari or gin and tonic) and decided to go for the most neutral one, the vodka and lime. (In the end after seeing Daan’s campari, I regretted not trying that one)

The waiter sprayed some eggwhite with vodka and lime on a spoon and dropped it in liquid nitrogen while we watched. It floated about for a little bit and was then taken out, sprinkled with green tea on mine and freeze dried strawberries on Daan’s, the waiter sprayed some scent in the air and then we could eat it. A puff of smoke came from my mouth as I put it in and then it melted on my tongue.

It was DELICIOUS!!! Almost like a meringue, but smoother somehow. Not quite sweet but not quite sour either... just... lovely.

Next was the red cabbage gazpacho with pommery grain mustard ice cream. The flavours were so lovely together. The mustard ice cream had a bit of a kick but a very delicate light one. I loved eating ice cream as a starter, it was gorgeous. The red cabbage was a little sweet but not overly so. It was just so tasty. We were making jokes about wanting to lick our plates.

Then came the Jelly of Quail and Crayfish cream with chicken liver parfait and oak moss and truffle toast. The waiter put a little bed of oak moss in front of us with two little plastic containers on top (the kind you get for those breath freshening edible paper things) and there was a little bit of paper inside that we had to put on our tongues. A delicate wood flavour emerged and it felt as if we were sitting around a campfire. The moss smelled wonderful and when the waiter poured water on it, the dry ice turned our table to mist. It was magical, like dining in a fairytale!

The taste of the Jelly of Quail and the Crayfish cream was amazing. I was a bit worried about the chicken liver, something I don’t tend to enjoy, but this was GORGEOUS. I would have gladly had more!

After the Jelly of Quail came the Snail Porridge. This one impressed me less than the other dishes. It was better than snails in garlic, because it was very subtle and had a lot of flavour, but it wasn’t phenomenally better, just better.

The Snail Porridge was followed by my favourite dish: The roast foie gras. It was lovely, the sweet and savoury combination blew me away. It was difficult not to lick my plate on that one. It looked as gorgeous as it tasted.

The whole ambiance just blew us away. Every course was like a new adventure of flavour. But it was also interesting on a visual aspect. Some courses were like a little show. Just like the Mad Hatters tea party was. I had seen this on television, but I can tell you it is really different to experience it yourself. They had changed the look a little bit, which was a real surprise for us and made it extra special. We were handed these clear glass teapots with a cup underneath. In the cup were little bits and bobs and an egg made out of turnip I think. It looked spectacular. We got some golden “fob watches” which were being placed in our teapot. You had to swirl the pot around and watch it desolve. I couldn’t believe how easily it did so. Only flecks of gold leaf remained in a clear stock and we had to pour our tea in our cup. Being someone who doesn’t go wild for broths, I wasn’t expecting too much flavour wise, I just enjoyed the visual. But the be honest, it tasted delicious! The broth was meaty but almost sweet, without being overpowering. A sandwich stand in the shape of a hat was also brought to us with these lovely sandwiches on top. The outer bread was just normal and soft whilst inside it was toasted, which really played around with your senses again. It was really very magical. I felt like a little girl who was marvelled at everything.

After the Mad Hatters tea an even more spectacular dish was served. I had seen this on tv too and to be honest, I wasn’t that marvelled by it when I saw it on television. But I have to tell you, in real life it really was AMAZING! The dish was called “The sound of the sea”. First you were brought these large conch shells with ipods in their centres. When you placed the earplugs in your ears you heard the sound of the sea and the seagulls. This made us strangely calm, the restaurant and all its sounds just disappeared into the background. Then you got this glass plate, which had a double layer and there was sand and shells underneath. On top it looked like the surf of the ocean that had washed up seaweed and debris and fish, but not in a distasteful way. It did not look disgusting, it looked pretty. There was foam of the sea and sand underneath, edible sand. The sand was very strong of flavour and a little too much for Daan’s pallet. He liked the taste of it, but it was so intense he could not eat much of it. You had to be quite the fish-lover to eat this dish and though I loved it very very much, I can see how it is not for everyone’s pallet. The sand was so delicate though it did have the structure of sand, it didn’t crunch between your teeth. The fish was gorgeous and the seaweeds really added to the flavour. I was blown away. I do believe listening to the sea and the seagulls added to the experience. This was the only course where we didn’t talk to each other, but we just sat back and enjoyed.

Staying with fish, the next course was the Salmon in Liquorish gel. Again, I think people who don’t have a very adventurous taste, or who don’t like fish, won’t be loving this dish. We did. It wasn’t my favourite, but it was very good. Daan rated it in his top three (but that was before dessert, so maybe he changed his mind after that) The salmon and the grapefruit were definitely a weird combination, but it worked somehow. Though this didn’t blow me away like some other dishes did and it was tough to follow on the sound of the sea which was very impressive. (I forgot to take a picture)

Next was the powdered duck. Not sure why it was called that, I couldn’t find any powder with it. Daan was a little undone by the bloodpudding, which was rich but very gorgeous. There was a little spring roll and the mash was to die for. Very lovely. During this course we decided to have a glass of wine. At 25 pounds per glass!!!! It was the most expensive wine I had ever tasted... but it was also one of the best wines I had ever tasted. It had a hint of apricot and was lovely.

Next was the hot and cold tea. It was one of the strangest sensations of the whole evening. One side of the tea was hot, the other cold and even in your mouth, they did not mix. They had some gelatine in them, but it was so subtle that it really felt like just drinking a liquid. It was out of this world! And really tasty too!

We were handed two tiny little ice creams made of chai tea. In the bottom of the ice cream cone was strawberry jelly and the cones themselves were dipped in strawberry powder and were just amazing in flavour. Best ice cream I have EVER tasted! It was so great, I still dream of it and I have to say that the ice cream was nr 2 on my favourites list, and it had some tough competition.

One of Daan’s favourite dishes was the macerated strawberries. I was a little disappointed when I saw them on the menu, as I am not one who loves fruity desserts, but this was just gorgeous and I have to say they were definitely in my top five. It had different flavours and textures and was chewy and gooey and firm, I don’t even know what was all in it, but it was really really good!

The BFG was my least favourite dish of the evening. It was still good, but that was all it was “good”. A sort of mouse type black forest gateau with Kirsch ice cream. I gave my ice cream to Daan, it was too “boozy” for my taste and the big tower was nice but nothing spectacular.

Like the chickenliver I was a little worried about the whiskey gums. I don’t like whiskey. The presentation was once again fantastic. We got these little maps with the gums stuck to them. On the map it showed where the whiskey was from and in what order we had to eat it. The first one was my favourite, it was very sweet. It had some apple stuff mixed in the gel and it was just divine. I didn’t love all of them, some had a very strong taste of whiskey, but they were all tasty even for a non whiskey lover. Daan loved these very much.

Last but not least came the Kid in a sweetshop. It was so darling and had all sorts of little treats inside. A toffee that tasted of real applepie, a white chocolate playing card, a chocolate and some coconut tobacco. I was so stuffed that I saved most of mine for the hotel. Even the stamp on the envelope was made of chocolate. It was just so cool.

They asked us if we wanted a cheese platter. We laughed and told them we couldn’t eat or drink another thing after 4 courses.

The service had been impacable all evening. I never had an empty glass, never had a dirty plate in front of me for a long time, yet I did not feel rushed. We dined for over 3 ½ hours and all our waiters were courteous, kind and very funny. They noticed Daan was left handed and they changed the way they put his cutlery... now THAT is an eye for DETAIL!

At the end of the night the maitre D called us a taxi and walked us out. He held the taxi door open for me. It was a very expensive evening but we left a bit of an extra tip for the wonderful waiting staff and we could tell it was appreciated. Expensive yes... but totally worth it! If I ever get rich I would do this again in a heartbeat. It exceeded our expectations.

A short taxiride brought us to the holiday inn in Maidenhead. The man behind the desk told us kindly that we got upgraded to the executive suite, which was a nice surprise!

It was a nice room, though nothing fancy. I took a bath in the large bubble bath with yet streams, washing the travel yuk off my skin while Daan favoured the shower. We didn’t stay up long because we were exhausted.

The next day we got up late and ended up missing breakfast. We had a strange brunch of sandwiches and chips (fries for non British) and they were the best chips I had ever tasted, it was weird to eat it so early though. Then our journey back began. It was an easier journey than the way to the fat duck, but still a long one. We only had to change trains once so that was nice and the weather was lovely. It made the train very hot again though and even open windows could not cool the carriages, which was a little frustrating. What was nice was that Daan and I would share the headphones to my iphone and listen to songs together, like we were two silly teenagers in love.

At the airport we had some late lunch and we started to talk about what vacation we wanted to go on this year. On a large menu we made pro and con lists and started to get silly and giggly together. So much so that we behaved worse than the four small children sitting on the table next to us. We had such a laugh together. After lunch we bought some books and ended up reading until it was time to board. I love going on holiday with Elora, but I miss the luxury of just reading a book in the airplane and just relaxing. That doesn’t happen often with a chatty five year old.

This was a wonderful trip, one of the best birthdays of my life. Next time we do something like this we would go about the travelling a little differently, but we still enjoyed it.

The Fat Duck was the absolute best thing about the trip! That and spending some time with my wonderful husband!